The HR Juggler

Today’s post is by the  inimitable Doug Shaw, encourager par excellence, blogger, artist, advocate of work as useful fun, proceeding until apprehended and much much more besides. You can find him at @DougShaw1 on Twitter. 

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2012 started in a burst of optimism. I’d set a goal of winning and delivering more ambitious, stretching work projects and I was hoping to forge some new associations to help make this goal a reality. Two really interesting ideas were taking shape, the first a piece of business development and marketing work, the second a project around smart use of social media to drive more colleague and customer collaboration. We had also lined up an Unchristmas lunch for a few people who had supported the business over the past year or so.

The lunch was on a Friday. It was great fun catching up with a lovely group of people and then heading off to enjoy the weekend. From my experiences lots of offices are empty on a Friday as a slew of people choose to ‘work from home’ (don’t worry – I won’t tell). For me, Friday is a good day to strengthen the social fabric that is woven throughout a great place to work; I’d like to see more people lunching together more often.

I digress.

Time Stands Still

“Summer’s going fast, Nights growing colder
Children growing up, Old friends growing older
Experience slips away”

It is late Sunday afternoon on January 22^nd 2012 and my phone rings. One of my Sisters wants to know if I’ve heard from Dad, ‘he was due to pop round and he hasn’t showed’. Carole, Keira and I were just diving into a local restaurant for a family meal and I said I’d call him and check in afterwards. As we left the restaurant the phone rang again. This time it was my Brother in law, Steve. ‘Doug, I’m at your Dad’s place, sorry to have to tell you he is dead’.

Suddenly you were gone.

I took Carole and Keira home and headed off. The police came round to Dad’s to satisfy themselves there were no suspicious circumstances surrounding his death and then left. I encouraged Steve to head on home to be with his family and I waited for the coroner’s ambulance to come and take Dad’s body away. That was a weird few hours sitting in an empty old house, listening to it move and sigh like an old building does. 

Prime Mover

“From the point of conception, To the moment of truth
At the point of surrender, To the burden of proof
From the point of ignition, To the final drive
The point of the journey is not to arrive

Anything can happen…”

Functions sometimes get in the way of feelings, and so it was as funeral and other plans were made. Dad died intestate, so I steeled myself for the mountain of paperwork that began to accumulate. The family and friends supported each other well through this time, and I had given my commitment to Dad that I would take responsibility for his affairs. This period of time was tough, I found it almost impossible to keep the business going and take care of family business to the point where I suffered a bizarre physical breakdown. My right knee stiffened and blew up like a balloon. My right arm and chest ached like I’d never felt before and for a few weeks I could barely get about. I was scared.

My physical condition was temporary and things began to improve. Through this time I took support and encouragement from many people and places. Most people aren’t aware of how important they became to me, and I want to recall one incident in particular that helped enormously.

Vital Signs

“Leave out the fiction, The fact is, this friction
Will only be worn by persistence
Leave out conditions, Courageous convictions
Will drag the dream into existence”

In November of 2011 Dad and I had talked about what the future may hold for the business. I told Dad I planned to go to America. I said I didn’t know where, to do what or how, I just knew I would.  Dad replied, ‘Go ahead and make me proud’. In March 2012 Steve Browne and I exchanged correspondence and a couple of months later I was booked to travel to Ohio for the annual state HR conference. This was pivotal for me in turning the sadness at the loss of my father into an opportunity to honour the simple exchange we had towards the end of the previous year. It also helped me get the flywheel of What Goes Around turning again.

The Big Wheel

“Wheel goes round, landing on a leap of fate
Life redirected in ways unexpected
Sometimes the odd number wins
The way the big wheel spins”

A business needs wheels to turn on. I used to think they were a little like bicycle wheels, spinning along the flat, whizzing down the hills and pushing up the other side. And they are not. The truth is that when you stop turning the business wheel, it loses momentum really quickly. And to get it started you have to put your shoulder to it and push, hard. And you need to keep going, persist, believe, persist, believe, persist. If you have the courage of your convictions, if you love people, and love who you are and why you do what you do, and if you can find a Steve Browne, you can choose to keep the big wheel turning.

Freewill

“You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill
I will choose a path that’s clear
I will choose freewill”

I choose for 2013 to be a year of useful fun and support for one another when things don’t go quite according to plan. I hope we can continue to create opportunities to better ourselves and each other, and to continue to raise a well-intended challenge when we see something ain’t going quite right. Proceed until apprehended.

Acknowledgements:

Alison Chisnell – for the kind invitation to write this post.

Steve Browne (aka The President of the United States of HR) – for helping me make something magnificent happen

Neil Peart – for lyrical support

Paul Shaw – for being my Dad and for showing me, through example, that it is better to be a critical friend than to strive to be liked.

Today’s post is by @OlMoore, back on Twitter after a long break away from it…and it is lovely to have him back!

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I have two older brothers, seldom do they provide pearls of wisdom or guidance on what it means to be a grown up in this age.

But once my eldest brother did land a rather prophetic statement on me.  

“Life starts at 28; your whole world will change for the better, things will become clearer, your path will be set.”

2012 was my 28^th year and it was one on an epic scale.

And boy was it needed; the end of 2011 saw me surviving my own personal credit crunch, escaping a difficult work situation for something with more potential, love also began to bounce around for the first time in a long time.

My professional life certainly took an upward turn at the beginning of the year, new horizons appeared, new opportunities to learn and to develop – all be it I only realised this far later in the year. That said it took a nose dive for most of the year but recovery is on the way and despite some quiet evenings pondering what could have been and where my career had gone there are now goals in place to achieve what I want to achieve.

I put myself on a social media hiatus to focus on things that are important in the real world – namely my wife, daughter and step-son.

Yup, you read that right, my wife. You see the most epic moment of 2012 for me was falling in love, and proposing on my wife-to-be’s birthday surrounded by friends, family and with a New York cheesecake in my hand, standing by my faith and arranging a wedding for under £750.

I fell in love quickly and wonderfully, my daughter and her son began to grow together and play and argue and act just like siblings who had never been apart.

I have had to learn what it’s like to be a fulltime Dad again and also what it means to be a husband – a new position for me. And despite having to stop writing this blog 3 times to go tell a small person to “shhh” and it is far too late to be awake, I am very much enjoying being husband, a step-dad and the best away-dad I can be for my little girl.

I have 2 cats (I’m allowed a puppy after 6 years of marriage so the boss tells me) having never been a ‘cat-person.’ My dinner tonight was Chicken Goulash with rice, freshly made and prepared at home. Rather than the micro-wave meals I lived off 12 months ago.

All be it leaving some stuff out, that is in essence my 2012, in that time I have also gone “teetotal” (5 year olds don’t appreciate the need for a rest with a hangover, however slight, and apparently neither do wives). Gone back on to Twitter (not Facebook), attempted to grow a beard, given up and gone for a goatee, given up and gone for some fluff on my chin and a pencil moustache. Bought my dream car and sat dismayed as this beautifully designed soulful Italian legend has failed time and time again. (For those petrol heads out there it’s an Alfa Romeo).

The point to all this – Alison’s theme for the advent blogs, reflections and resolutions, I started this blog reviewing my professional life.

The rest is about my family – that’s the reflection and the resolution. My professional life isn’t that important and it isn’t to take any precedent over family. My brother was right, life starts at 28 and I am very much looking forward to the next 12 months and the next 28 years watching my kids grow and enjoying the trials and the triumphs with my Mrs Moore.

No bonus or promotion will ever beat your daughter giving her little step-brother a homemade calendar which states he is the best little brother ever.

Jane Blackmore (@janeblackmore) also known as Northernmum, is the author of today’s post. Her blog is one of my all-time favourites and makes me laugh and cry in equal measure….which is exactly what happened when I first read her guest post below. My daughters are only a couple of weeks older than Jane’s twins and our professional lives crossed briefly whilst we were both pregnant. I can relate so much to many of the things she writes about…and yet in recent times there have been a whole set of experiences that I am so thankful I have no direct knowledge of. To me, she…and her family…are simply amazing.

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This is the first new year that we won’t be ‘doing’ anything. New Year usually finds me and the father of my children dressed in ridiculous outfits surrounded by friends; last year was onesies – where I looked like a pregnant snowman, before that we were race jockeys and the time before we were eighties legends. This year I will be wearing my new Christmas pyjamas, pouring a very big glass of wine and closing the door firmly on 2012 without any fuss or celebration. I hold little expectation for 2013 as the last twelve months have taught me to live each day as it comes and seize happiness with both hands.

2012 was my annus horribilis.

I told this to my six year old son and he immediately told his teacher that I had a horrid anus which was embarrassing when we were all seated in the classroom making decorations for the upcoming celebrations. Since then one small child has insisted on trying to examine my anus every morning in the queue for class which has led to me wearing tunic style jumpers and a long duffel coat to avoid his prying fingers. I am not a fan of people trying to poke my anus.

The year started with a week in hospital watching my beautiful 18 month old daughter undergo hip surgery and have her legs pinned into a half body spica cast for three months. I cannot even begin to describe the agony of emotions that we endured that week that spilled into the next 3 months, tears well in my eyes as I type the words and I know I am not yet recovered from the journey we took together.

Through a turbulent time I learnt about true strength and determination, I watched a baby learn to crawl without using her legs, I saw a child grow and play without even knowing her legs were bound. So many of us think happiness must be found or bought, my daughter showed me that happiness is a state of mind.

I say 2012 was my horrid anus but actually I cannot recall a more elated moment in my life than watching my smallest girl take her first steps for the second time.

Life has spiralled past this year, it has been unrelenting, fraught with confusion and change. Our family started the year surviving on one income whilst the other parent cared for a sick child and we will end the year the same way except it is a different child and a different parent.

We survived the summer, six weeks of no childcare for our three children whilst their teachers partied on a Greek island relishing the freedom. We emerged in September a little battered, slightly paint smeared from attempts at crafts and with a full recycling bin that groaned under the weight of empty bottles of mummy’s medicine. School took the children back, my husband started work with the smallest child well on the road to recovery and then life picked up his bowling ball and sent us spinning.

October was full of washing, night after night of bed stripping and mattress wiping. My eldest daughter, the girl who is growing at a relentless rate and seems to be ageing daily suddenly went backwards. A confident, beautiful child who lived for her next dance lesson and thrived on trying her hardest suddenly turned silent, pale, a six-year-old who wet the bed up to six times a night.

We asked the question, was it us, is two working parents too much when you are a family of five, did she need me at home?

We couldn’t find the answers.

My nights became sleepless, mixed with worry and so many urine soaked sheets.

Halloween came and a routine appointment sent us straight to A and E with a diagnosis of diabetes; in forty-eight hours colour started to flood her cheeks again and my dancer returned brimming with insulin and not so full of sugar.

Alison has asked us to reflect and look for resolutions, when I reflect I don’t purely see a hospital cot but it lingers behind most memories. But I also feel wiser, my priorities are firmly in the right place I have leapt from being a career focused mother to being a mother who has a career on the side. I can be both but the scales just lean slightly heavier to being mum.

I learnt everything from my children, I learnt a six-year-old can puncture her skin up to eight times a day to give herself life saving insulin because she simply wants to stay alive. I learnt that if you want something hard enough you can make yourself move no matter what is tying you down. I kept my sanity by having an incredibly amusing sidekick in my son who made me laugh no matter what ever the circumstances.

I have spent enough time in children’s wards this year to see that my annus horribilis is nothing compared to the trials of other families and knowing I am lucky keeps me warm at night.

I told my children my hopes for 2013 were centred on keeping them well, my elder daughter nodded solemnly and promised to do her best to keep all of her vital organs functioning, my youngest child leapt 2cm’s into the air confirming her legs were here to stay, then my son said….

“Well I am sorry mum, but it is simply not happening.”

I turned to my six-year-old boy with a questioning glance,

“I really want the new sky-landers game and if I have to give up a pancreas or sit my backside in a cast for three months then I am more than prepared to do so, I don’t care what you say it is my blooming turn to sleep in hospital and have you all to myself!”

With a flourish he wandered off murmuring “who needs a pancreas anyway…”

I have added sky-landers to his Santa’s list – I am fond of that child’s pancreas…..

To the end of the year I raise a toast, so many lessons learnt, so many tears shed and so much laughter found in the strangest places. To the children I have spent nights sharing a ward with, thank you for showing me bravery I have never imagined. To my own family, I only hope you know how much the year has made me love you all so much more deeply.

To 2012 – don’t slam the door on your way out.

Today’s post is written by Margaret Burnside, or @MargaretBurnsid as I usually think of her! As with a lot of people, Margaret has seen huge change this year on pretty much every front.

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2012 has been a year of change, personally and professionally…

The big change came half way through the year when, after 24 years of working for myself (one way or another!) I had the opportunity to consider being employed again. This was the first job to seriously tempt me out of self-employment for a long time. I loved my flexibility, independence, my long-standing customer relationships, working from home; in short freedom to choose when I worked, what I worked on, who I worked with and which tools (gadgets) would best help me do the job. How would I make the transition? The opportunity cropped up in a week when my husband and I had taken a spontaneous day off to go to the beach with the dog – magical! So, when discussing it with my husband and said ‘what about the chance to take a day off and just go to the beach like we did this week?’ His response was ‘… and how often do we actually do that?’

So what else would I miss? Lots of travel and time away from home? No! Working evenings and weekends to keep up in the extremely busy periods? No. Uncertainty about when invoices would be paid? No. Having to keep an eye on the ‘phone and e-mails on holiday and days off? No. Perhaps there was something to consider here …

I took the plunge, made the call, had the interviews, did the aptitude (!) and psychometric tests and then waited for the results … The powerful, positive feelings and real excitement I felt when offered the job told me all I needed to know about whether it was the right thing or not.

I’ve adjusted very quickly to my employed status; I have a lot of freedom to shape my work and do all the things I love doing with L&D; I have enjoyed having a great team around me to help make things happen; I’ve had some early successes to build my confidence; I’ve struggled to take all my paid holiday this year; I love my 32 minute commute; I’ve been able to keep working with some of my favourite customers; I’ve even been able to adjust to working with PCs and Microsoft again after converting to Apple Macs and I particularly love being home most evenings to eat with the family and even go out for a dog walk after dinner!

A big highlight in the year whilst making THE decision was an unexpected night out in London with some of my Twitter friends, meeting @onatrainagain @PlainTalkingHR @MrsDurbs @AlisonChisnell and seeing @StirTheSource again. It was a lovely, life-affirming, fun, supportive and giggly, girly night and gave me a great space to talk through my fears, hopes and concerns about being employed. Thank you.

So what does 2013 hold? Some great work projects and product development ideas, a visit from my brother, his wife and their two gorgeous boys from Australia, more paid holiday and evenings and weekends to enjoy! We’ve also been able to use my regular and predictable income to remortgage and spend some money on the house we’ve been trying to sell for the last year, giving us a chance to fall in love with it all over again! So, for the first time in quite a few years I’m going to have a life… (the closest thing to a resolution I’ll commit to!)

Today’s post is by the very wonderful Kate Griffiths-Lambeth. She writes her own blog, which inspires, educates and never disappoints. You can find her on Twitter at @KateGL, in the meantime, enjoy her reflections and resolutions.

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Tricky things mirrors and reflections…they can be very unforgiving.  I scared myself not so long ago by catching sight of a person in the mirror behind the bar in a theatre – I was struck by how pale and tired they looked and then realised that I was observing myself.  We seldom appreciate how others see us and we often believe that we have all the information and hence can justify our decisions.  This safety clip showing the rear view from a lorry’s wing mirror demonstrates how easy it is to make assumptions; although looking in the mirror, the driver is unaware of what is really there beside and behind his vehicle.

And similarly in this clip, which always makes me smile, the kitten clearly believes that it is under threat because of what it can see in the mirror:

Reflections need to be treated with caution as they are from a single viewpoint and hence can fail to show the whole picture and, although change needs to start with “the man in the mirror”, self-realisation can be unnerving. 

However, enough ponderings… as is conventional at this time of year (and also because I am now exactly twelve months into my new role), here are a few thoughts on the months that have passed, with my connected resolutions:

Spring – I wish I hadn’t burst into laughter in the company of a colleague whom I did not know well, as, unwittingly, I caused offence (when he thought I was laughing at him) and it has taken me nearly a year to make amends.

Resolution: think harder about how I come across to others and adapt my behaviour to get the best out of every relationship;

Summer – I held a fantastic Team Offsite – we really are making great progress and the businesses are as pleased as we are.  With work as a back drop, I should not have been sceptical that the Olympics would live up to people’s hopes.  I expected London’s transport system to creak and fail under the strain, with locals and tourists alike suffering in sweltering, crowded tubes.  How wrong I was (and I am so pleased and proud of all that was achieved).  Perhaps, if I had attended the excellent Positive Psychology in Action workshop by Sukh Pabial in July, as opposed to in August, my attitude would have been different.

Resolution: don’t be a Romney – have greater faith in others to do a good job when they have made a commitment to accomplish something;

Autumn – As a family we went on a wonderful holiday to Crete, to celebrate my mother-in-law’s 70^th.  Whilst there we endured a terrifying drive through the mountains, travelling on a rough dirt track with a sheer precipice to the side and the threat of rock falls (it was the only time when everyone was silent, simply willing the driver on).

Resolution: No matter how daunting something appears, don’t give up.  The pride and satisfaction of achievement (and the memories) will last a lifetime; and

Winter – I had an unnerving health scare and was amazed and humbled by the support and encouragement I received from the friends, family and acquaintances.

Resolution – I must become better at looking after myself, as there are many people who care about me and I owe it to them as well as to myself.

The poet Edgar Guest wrote a poem, “It Couldn’t Be Done”, which encapsulates many of the things I have learned during 2012 and my resolutions and intended approach for the year to come:

Somebody said that it couldn’t be done,
     But, he with a chuckle replied
That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one
     Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
     On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
     That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;
     At least no one has done it”;
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
     And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
     Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
     That couldn’t be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
     There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
     The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle it in with a bit of a grin,
     Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
     That “couldn’t be done,” and you’ll do it.

Looking back over 2012, despite the moments of doubt and worry, it has been a wonderful year – thanks to all of you who have enriched and shared parts of it with me.

Final Resolution: Don’t always rely solely on the rear view mirror – it’s good to look back but probably even more important to look ahead…

Here’s wishing you a wonderful 2013.