The HR Juggler

Day 29: Beauty Amongst Heartache

Posted on: December 29, 2012

29

Some posts take a huge amount of courage to write and they reflect the bravery and fortitude that has been needed to survive a particular time of our lives. This post is exactly one of those and the person who has written it, whilst known to me, and also to many of you, has asked to remain anonymous. I have absolute respect for that and I think, once you have read the post below, that you will understand too. Suffice to say, no door is ever truly closed (particularly not where this community of individuals is concerned) and we will all do all we can to help to hold it open and let the chinks of light flood through.

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This past year or so has not so much been a whirlwind, but an emotional tornado. So many things turned upside down, got chucked around. At times, it was all I could do to minimise the damage. The storm has calmed considerably now, so I’d like, if at all possible, to use Alison’s wonderful Advent Calendar blog to apologise, offer hope and burble a bit.
Crafting a blog has been something on which I’ve been stunted for months. Not because of writer’s block. But because in this particular storm-ridden world, anything I put online was suddenly watched and considered for deviance. It puts a strange spin on writing even normal things. It’s a world of illness and medication that I didn’t know the extent of, and certainly didn’t think would happen to our family (whoever does?).

Sadly, Twitter, a companionable, idea-churning, wonderful world – especially in our HR community – became a part of that distrust. Backing away from it was difficult in some senses, but it eased worry and anguish, so the choice was simple.

So I’d like to say sorry for my non-commitment to the great ConnectingHR community. I’ve joined in, backed out, tweeted again, backed out again, regained a bit of confidence and started again. I imagine it must be hard to know whether I’m in or out, committed or need committing (;). For me, it still feels hard to enjoy the flight of Twitter when someone else sees a darker side, but I know it’s a place of laughter and support and learning and geniality – and it simply couldn’t be that without all you wonderful people.

But I also want to give hope for anyone who may find themselves in a dark place. I wrote many months ago about a life changing event that was about to affect our family. I didn’t know where it would take us, but sensed it would expose my weaknesses. I was right. It showed every single damn one of them. They may as well have been written on a banner, attached to an airplane and flown across the sky for anyone interested.

But what I didn’t foresee, is that it also shone a light on my strengths. To me, at least.

I made a silent vow that I would help my children and I get through it all with as much dignity and kindness and strength I could muster. And in hindsight, I needed every ounce of compassion and new levels of strength; not always did I muster enough.

So I was deeply, wonderfully happy to receive a birthday card yesterday from one of my children. The card’s words said, “Thank you for another beautiful year under your wing. We learn so much from you, you’ve taught me how to handle difficult situations and the important things to aspire to. You are a great role model”. Then there was the normal mickey-taking, just in case I got too big for my boots.

But the first sentiment was absolutely right. The year, in amongst massive change, has been beautiful in many ways. And I appreciate our little family and friends and work more than I can express. For my children to see beauty amongst heartache is music to my ears.

And for the first time in many moons, I am excited about Christmas celebrations – not just on behalf of my kids – but for me. I’m singing Christmas carols. We’ve written our Christmas wishes, we’re starting the shopping (trust me, this is early for me), we’re planning the festivities. It’s all simple, simple stuff, but happy stuff too.

To know the careful steps I’ve taken have helped my children negotiate a sad, complicated, unusual time, is a quietly lovely gift to unwrap, time immemorial.

I hope all of you wonderful people are all feeling carefree and filled with happiness, but if you are feeling in a darker place, a little lost and perhaps a little scared too – keep your personal faith. The light does come back on. You’re bound to need all your wherewithal to find the damned switch, but it’ll be well worth it when you do.

And for that, I think it’s time to celebrate.

Love to you all
x

4 Responses to "Day 29: Beauty Amongst Heartache"

Deep heartfelt thanks for sharing with us. It never fails to amaze me how much strength, reserve and compassion we each have and how something as simple as Twitter can help us find even more of that. Such a beautiful beautiful post. With much love to you and yours x

Yes, thanks for sharing your story … Left me a little sad, my husband calls me a ‘Goodfinder’ because I see the best in everyone and everything, however it means I don’t watch out for or even notice the darker side very often. So sorry your activities have been curtailed and that you can’t enjoy your online life any more, wishing you well for a better 2013 x

I have never heard of a parent receiving a card with a message such as that written in it. You should take great heart from that. It’s amazing what people are sharing about themselves on here – I feel privileged to have been accepted as part of this wonderful community.

Sorry to read your troubled tale. From my own experience, choosing to remain anonymous is rarely the answer so I hope you can find it within you to step out sometime. Good luck.

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